College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize