Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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