eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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