Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
