yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize