My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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