just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
