I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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