His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Watching her eat just hurts me
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We need to get me chipped asap
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
