my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
