i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
