His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
