Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
