man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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