enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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