Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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