I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize