i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
