There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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