i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
