Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
