i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize