How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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