Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
