Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
