the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
