I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
