Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
