I heard we made out
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
