But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
