Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
