The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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