that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Come on in and take your pants off
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