im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
