They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
