I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
