Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
