Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
