Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
