She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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