what day is it and did you see me today?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you will always have a special place in my vag
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
