Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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