i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
