i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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