i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We have so much sex to catch up on
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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