We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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