i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
