How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
