i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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