why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
