...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
