Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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