while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
