Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
