today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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