she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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