I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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