that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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