I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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