If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
