Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
