He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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