i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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