btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
