Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize