I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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