someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
