We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
