So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
