at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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