and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
